My Conversion
My Story Begins
I first heard the Gospel from my husband when we got married in 1996. We were living in Florida. It took twelve years to finally accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. My parents separated when I was 6. My dad was raised Catholic. My mom hated that.
She tried to shield us from all the holidays and from my dad's family.
We had a very rough childhood. My mother did the best she could to raise four kids on her own. She tried to commit suicide and she was constantly depressed.
We were all falling apart and the Witnesses were really no help to us at all.
My mother got into a lot of disagreements with people especially Witnesses. I was always sticking up for her. I loved her.
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. My parents separated when I was 6. My dad was raised Catholic. My mom hated that.
She tried to shield us from all the holidays and from my dad's family.
We had a very rough childhood. My mother did the best she could to raise four kids on her own. She tried to commit suicide and she was constantly depressed.
We were all falling apart and the Witnesses were really no help to us at all.
My mother got into a lot of disagreements with people especially Witnesses. I was always sticking up for her. I loved her.
I Fell Away From the JW's
When I was 19, I was betrayed by a Jehovah's Witness and I was devastated! I was left feeling hurt and confused. The Elders did nothing to help me and I felt very alone.
When I turned twenty one I went through a rough patch. I ventured out and tried the "Worldly life."
I started to go out to clubs, drink, and smoke cigarettes. I was having a lot of fun and did a lot of things I would regret.
God was always in my thoughts. Since I was little I was always compelled to do the right thing.
Jehovah was my God and I tried to please him with my actions and thoughts.
When I tried the worldly lifestyle I soon started to feel separated from God. I also felt guilty. And I didn't want that sense of guilt anymore. So one day I told Him I didn't need Him anymore. And I felt God leave me.
I immediately started to have problems with Demons. Real Demons. I would have nightmares. I felt them touching me. When I was lying in bed one night, I felt a knuckle go from my lower back all the way up to the top. In a very hard and painful way.
I was so scared. I cried out to Jehovah. I told Him to please take me back. That I needed His protection. And then the Demons stopped harassing me.
When I turned twenty one I went through a rough patch. I ventured out and tried the "Worldly life."
I started to go out to clubs, drink, and smoke cigarettes. I was having a lot of fun and did a lot of things I would regret.
God was always in my thoughts. Since I was little I was always compelled to do the right thing.
Jehovah was my God and I tried to please him with my actions and thoughts.
When I tried the worldly lifestyle I soon started to feel separated from God. I also felt guilty. And I didn't want that sense of guilt anymore. So one day I told Him I didn't need Him anymore. And I felt God leave me.
I immediately started to have problems with Demons. Real Demons. I would have nightmares. I felt them touching me. When I was lying in bed one night, I felt a knuckle go from my lower back all the way up to the top. In a very hard and painful way.
I was so scared. I cried out to Jehovah. I told Him to please take me back. That I needed His protection. And then the Demons stopped harassing me.
I Got Married to A Christian
I got married when I was twenty three. I was very attracted to my husband because he seemed to really care about me and he paid a lot of attention to me. He also talked about his love for God a lot and that he loved to read the Bible. That impressed me. I had never met anyone who read their Bible just like that.
Witnesses read their Bible very rarely. We are taught to read the Watchtower and all their other publications. We would use the Bible only for reference.
My husband and I would get into some horrible fights about religion. He tried to tell me that Jesus was not Michael the Archangel. That the Jehovah's Witnesses were a cult. He tried to tell me about the founder Brother Russell.
He tried to tell me about John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
The Jehovah's Witnesses translate this verse like this...
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was "A" God.
I could not see anything. I was so blind and in denial of everything. I was well trained to reject the true Gospel and I did!
I would say, "No. You are wrong. What about the Father is greater than I am?"
We soon gave up arguing with each other because it was useless. He could not convince me of the Truth. Thats the Holy Spirits job. I guess it was just not the right time for me to accept Jesus.
Witnesses read their Bible very rarely. We are taught to read the Watchtower and all their other publications. We would use the Bible only for reference.
My husband and I would get into some horrible fights about religion. He tried to tell me that Jesus was not Michael the Archangel. That the Jehovah's Witnesses were a cult. He tried to tell me about the founder Brother Russell.
He tried to tell me about John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
The Jehovah's Witnesses translate this verse like this...
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was "A" God.
I could not see anything. I was so blind and in denial of everything. I was well trained to reject the true Gospel and I did!
I would say, "No. You are wrong. What about the Father is greater than I am?"
We soon gave up arguing with each other because it was useless. He could not convince me of the Truth. Thats the Holy Spirits job. I guess it was just not the right time for me to accept Jesus.
What do You Believe?
The first year we were married I didn't celebrate Christmas with my husband. He would go to his church and I would go to mine.
After a while we both stopped going to church. And I started to help my husband buy presents for Christmas and birthdays. I felt guilty at first. But after a while it didn't feel so bad.
One time when my husband was still going to church he invited me to attend his brothers baptism. It was at a Baptist church.
It actually felt fine to me and not as weird as I thought. I remember thinking it was funny that they asked us to greet the person next to us. It felt so casual. Not as rigid as a Jehovah's Witness meeting.
My husband also attended two Jehovah's Witness conventions with me. It didn't feel right though. When I was with my husband everyone seemed so fake to me. And even I felt out of place. I couldn't explain it. It just did not seem natural anymore.
In 2002 we moved to California to be closer to my husbands family. As the years passed, my husband would plant seeds now and then. I also watched my mother-in-law. I had never met a more humble woman in all my life. She had been through some really tough times and yet she was gracious and kind. She was also very devoted to reading the Bible and to God.
The qualities I had never seen in any person I had ever met.
You could see Christ in my mother-in-law. She lived and breathed it. She was never angry. She made the best of every situation.
So I started to ask myself ...."According to the witnesses this woman is not saved."
"How can she be so Christ like and not be saved?"
I was drawn to her. Because there was something about her that gave her confidence. She didn't go to a church and she didn't do religious rituals. She just simply was a person who believed in God and read her Bible.
When I met my mother-in-law, I hardly talked any Spanish. I've learned more as the years have passed. And I'm able to communicate with her more now. But in the beginning I could not. So I learned from her by merely watching her.
That can be said for any Follower of Christ. If you want someone close to you to accept Christ, let them see Christ in you!
Let him radiate from your personality.
About a year before I accepted Jesus.... something started to change in me.
First of all... I always felt guilty for my past sins. I would pray and pray about it and not feel forgiven. I would spend time crying and praying to Jehovah to forgive me. But I didn't feel any relief. I can't explain why at the time. I just knew that I was not forgiven.
2 Corinthians 7:10
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
Something else was happening... I became really jealous of the love that my husband had for Jesus.
He told me that God and Jesus came first before me. That was shocking! I thought I was supposed to be first in his life. I couldn't understand why he would say that? It felt like an insult. Like he didn't love me as much because he loved God first.
I also started to hate the name Jesus. Every time I would hear his name I would grind my teeth. It felt so strange to me to hate Jesus. I would ask myself, "Why am I angry at Jesus?" I didn't know what was happening to me?
I went through depression at times and I felt really guilty of my sins. Then there was this hate I felt for Jesus who I was supposed to know and follow.
I understand now that the Holy Spirit was confronting me with His name. I felt the Holy Spirit in an essence say to me, "What do you believe? Who is Jesus?"
I kept feeling this tug at my conscience.
After a while we both stopped going to church. And I started to help my husband buy presents for Christmas and birthdays. I felt guilty at first. But after a while it didn't feel so bad.
One time when my husband was still going to church he invited me to attend his brothers baptism. It was at a Baptist church.
It actually felt fine to me and not as weird as I thought. I remember thinking it was funny that they asked us to greet the person next to us. It felt so casual. Not as rigid as a Jehovah's Witness meeting.
My husband also attended two Jehovah's Witness conventions with me. It didn't feel right though. When I was with my husband everyone seemed so fake to me. And even I felt out of place. I couldn't explain it. It just did not seem natural anymore.
In 2002 we moved to California to be closer to my husbands family. As the years passed, my husband would plant seeds now and then. I also watched my mother-in-law. I had never met a more humble woman in all my life. She had been through some really tough times and yet she was gracious and kind. She was also very devoted to reading the Bible and to God.
The qualities I had never seen in any person I had ever met.
You could see Christ in my mother-in-law. She lived and breathed it. She was never angry. She made the best of every situation.
So I started to ask myself ...."According to the witnesses this woman is not saved."
"How can she be so Christ like and not be saved?"
I was drawn to her. Because there was something about her that gave her confidence. She didn't go to a church and she didn't do religious rituals. She just simply was a person who believed in God and read her Bible.
When I met my mother-in-law, I hardly talked any Spanish. I've learned more as the years have passed. And I'm able to communicate with her more now. But in the beginning I could not. So I learned from her by merely watching her.
That can be said for any Follower of Christ. If you want someone close to you to accept Christ, let them see Christ in you!
Let him radiate from your personality.
About a year before I accepted Jesus.... something started to change in me.
First of all... I always felt guilty for my past sins. I would pray and pray about it and not feel forgiven. I would spend time crying and praying to Jehovah to forgive me. But I didn't feel any relief. I can't explain why at the time. I just knew that I was not forgiven.
2 Corinthians 7:10
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
Something else was happening... I became really jealous of the love that my husband had for Jesus.
He told me that God and Jesus came first before me. That was shocking! I thought I was supposed to be first in his life. I couldn't understand why he would say that? It felt like an insult. Like he didn't love me as much because he loved God first.
I also started to hate the name Jesus. Every time I would hear his name I would grind my teeth. It felt so strange to me to hate Jesus. I would ask myself, "Why am I angry at Jesus?" I didn't know what was happening to me?
I went through depression at times and I felt really guilty of my sins. Then there was this hate I felt for Jesus who I was supposed to know and follow.
I understand now that the Holy Spirit was confronting me with His name. I felt the Holy Spirit in an essence say to me, "What do you believe? Who is Jesus?"
I kept feeling this tug at my conscience.
The Holy Spirit Started to Change Me
Around this time I started to talk to my mother, sister, and aunt who are still Jehovah's Witnesses. One day on the phone my aunt asked me about attending the meetings. I told her I read the Bible at home and prayed. I also told her that I witnessed online to friends. But that was not good enough for her. She said that I needed to bring people to the TRUTH. She said, "This is the organization thats going to save people!"
I remember being shocked to hear that from her. Because things were already starting to click in my mind that God is not found in a religion but in your own personal relationship with the Lord.
My mother also told me I needed to go to the meetings. That I had fallen out. That I needed to go out in service.
See the Witnesses believe that you need to go to meetings regularly and go in house to house ministry to be saved. They wont tell you that. But its a fact that if they dont do these things they feel guilty and feel they are "Falling out of the truth."
I remember talking to my sister around this time too. She was disappointed with some things within her old congregation. She felt a bit let down from the Witnesses. I reminded her of some people who we had seen fall out and some things that just were not right. Although I was still not saved, I think I was planting seeds already back then.
Shortly after these conversations my mother went through a bad depression and tried to kill herself yet again.
I have always loved my mom and I felt really bad for her. So I talked with my husband about moving her here to live with us.
No one else wanted to take her not even my Jehovah's Witness sister.My husband agreed.
I was really happy. I really wanted to help my mom.
My mom moved in with us in the spring of 2008. I tried to help her as best I could. I took her to doctors appointments and to the Witness meetings.
We started to clash almost immediately. Most importantly she would invite me to the meetings and I just DID NOT want to go.
I had no desire to go. It felt so foreign to me. At this point I did not feel that God could be found in a building anymore but in your everyday life.
I guess I started to see religion for the first time. I started to see the Witnesses as following a ritual. Something that didn't look right to me anymore. Because I knew my mother-in-law who followed after God all the time. She didn't need a religion or a church to justify who she was in her faith.
My mother is really different. She goes out in service and reads the Watchtower. But its more like habit than a true love for God. Its like brushing her teeth. She feels doing these things guarantee her spot on Paradise Earth.
The Witnesses believe that most of them will live on Paradise Earth and that only 144,000 will actually go to heaven.
Seeing my mom again shined a new light on her. I saw how she didn't truly cultivate a Godly personality. She was still starting fights with people, even me. She didn't respect me as a person. It was getting really hard to love her. She ended up moving back home.
I remember being shocked to hear that from her. Because things were already starting to click in my mind that God is not found in a religion but in your own personal relationship with the Lord.
My mother also told me I needed to go to the meetings. That I had fallen out. That I needed to go out in service.
See the Witnesses believe that you need to go to meetings regularly and go in house to house ministry to be saved. They wont tell you that. But its a fact that if they dont do these things they feel guilty and feel they are "Falling out of the truth."
I remember talking to my sister around this time too. She was disappointed with some things within her old congregation. She felt a bit let down from the Witnesses. I reminded her of some people who we had seen fall out and some things that just were not right. Although I was still not saved, I think I was planting seeds already back then.
Shortly after these conversations my mother went through a bad depression and tried to kill herself yet again.
I have always loved my mom and I felt really bad for her. So I talked with my husband about moving her here to live with us.
No one else wanted to take her not even my Jehovah's Witness sister.My husband agreed.
I was really happy. I really wanted to help my mom.
My mom moved in with us in the spring of 2008. I tried to help her as best I could. I took her to doctors appointments and to the Witness meetings.
We started to clash almost immediately. Most importantly she would invite me to the meetings and I just DID NOT want to go.
I had no desire to go. It felt so foreign to me. At this point I did not feel that God could be found in a building anymore but in your everyday life.
I guess I started to see religion for the first time. I started to see the Witnesses as following a ritual. Something that didn't look right to me anymore. Because I knew my mother-in-law who followed after God all the time. She didn't need a religion or a church to justify who she was in her faith.
My mother is really different. She goes out in service and reads the Watchtower. But its more like habit than a true love for God. Its like brushing her teeth. She feels doing these things guarantee her spot on Paradise Earth.
The Witnesses believe that most of them will live on Paradise Earth and that only 144,000 will actually go to heaven.
Seeing my mom again shined a new light on her. I saw how she didn't truly cultivate a Godly personality. She was still starting fights with people, even me. She didn't respect me as a person. It was getting really hard to love her. She ended up moving back home.
My Eyes Started to Open
Shortly after that my husband and I started having some real marital problems. He told me he wanted to be separated. I was devastated. I did not want to leave but I also felt that our marriage would never get better if I stayed. I left for Texas to visit my dad. I drove all the way there with three kids.
It was really rough on me. I cried the whole way there. I thought my marriage was pretty much done at that point.
My youngest son threw up twice. We stayed in cheap motels. I had to block the doors to make sure no one came in. My middle son has autism and he would cry a lot at night.
I had grown up in Texas until I was about 15 and it felt really good to go home. My dad was really good to me and my step mother gave me advice. I felt my head starting to clear and I missed my husband.
My husband and I patched things up and he came and picked us up. He drove for 24 hours straight!
After we came home, things were still rough. I started to cry out to God for answers. I asked God, "Why is this happening to me?"
I wanted to get closer to God. But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should go back to the Witnesses. I wasn't sure if that was right anymore.
At one point my husband told me, "You know, no matter what happens between us, God will never leave you or forsake you."
That was a shocker to me. I couldn't wrap my mind around what he was saying to me.
I had asked my husband about a year back, "You think I'm saved, right?"
And he looked down and thought about it, "Yes. I think your saved."
I could tell he didn't really believe that.
So when he told me about God never leaving me or forsaking me, that threw me back. He was actually connecting me to God. It was really strange...because he had told me many times I was in a cult.
So here was this man talking to me about Jesus even though we were going through all these problems. I guess I saw the love he had for my spirituality and not just me as his wife.
Around this point I started to listen to Kwave. http://www.kwave.com/ Its the radio ministry of Calvary Chapel. http://www.calvarychapel.com/
My husband had tried to get me to listen to Christian radio early on in our marriage. But I would always make him change the channel. But this time when he turned it on, something started to click.
Then I told God, "Ok.. show me the truth? I want to know what the real truth is?"
So I got my old Jehovah's Witness Bible, the New King James, and a Greek Interlinear produced by the Witnesses.
And I started to compare the Bibles. It was truly amazing! I started to see how the JW's had changed a lot of scriptures.
They completely hide the Deity of Christ. When I would read the NKJ it just spoke to my heart. I started to see Jesus! I started to connect to Him. To understand who He was. I started to fall in love with Jesus. I would cry when I would come across scriptures that were so clear about His Deity. The scriptures would jump out at me. I would see something beautiful about Jesus and then re-read it in the Witness bible and see that it was completely different and I would cry some more. Because to be so fooled and to have them hide Jesus from me like that was like robbery. I truly had been blind. And all of a sudden I could see. I cant tell you how good it feels to have Jesus open your eyes. I truly felt like He picked me. Like He said, "Do you want to see?"
And of course I said, "Yes!"
I didn't do a sinners prayer. I just started to read and read. I would read at night when the kids were sleeping. I couldn't get enough. It was like I was thirsty and hungry for the Word of God. I had to get my fill everyday.
I did not do an actual sinners prayer till after I had been saved for a couple of months. I did it just in case. But I knew Jesus had already come into my life. And I was a new creation!
For once in my life I felt forgiven! I felt free! Free of religion! Free of guilt!
I felt special. I felt like God picked me out of tons of other lost souls. He decided to open my eyes this time. I dont know why I couldn't see before. I think its a miracle that I could now see that the Witnesses were wrong. Because they train their disciples well. But those defensive walls had come down. I was now open to receive Jesus.
It was really rough on me. I cried the whole way there. I thought my marriage was pretty much done at that point.
My youngest son threw up twice. We stayed in cheap motels. I had to block the doors to make sure no one came in. My middle son has autism and he would cry a lot at night.
I had grown up in Texas until I was about 15 and it felt really good to go home. My dad was really good to me and my step mother gave me advice. I felt my head starting to clear and I missed my husband.
My husband and I patched things up and he came and picked us up. He drove for 24 hours straight!
After we came home, things were still rough. I started to cry out to God for answers. I asked God, "Why is this happening to me?"
I wanted to get closer to God. But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should go back to the Witnesses. I wasn't sure if that was right anymore.
At one point my husband told me, "You know, no matter what happens between us, God will never leave you or forsake you."
That was a shocker to me. I couldn't wrap my mind around what he was saying to me.
I had asked my husband about a year back, "You think I'm saved, right?"
And he looked down and thought about it, "Yes. I think your saved."
I could tell he didn't really believe that.
So when he told me about God never leaving me or forsaking me, that threw me back. He was actually connecting me to God. It was really strange...because he had told me many times I was in a cult.
So here was this man talking to me about Jesus even though we were going through all these problems. I guess I saw the love he had for my spirituality and not just me as his wife.
Around this point I started to listen to Kwave. http://www.kwave.com/ Its the radio ministry of Calvary Chapel. http://www.calvarychapel.com/
My husband had tried to get me to listen to Christian radio early on in our marriage. But I would always make him change the channel. But this time when he turned it on, something started to click.
Then I told God, "Ok.. show me the truth? I want to know what the real truth is?"
So I got my old Jehovah's Witness Bible, the New King James, and a Greek Interlinear produced by the Witnesses.
And I started to compare the Bibles. It was truly amazing! I started to see how the JW's had changed a lot of scriptures.
They completely hide the Deity of Christ. When I would read the NKJ it just spoke to my heart. I started to see Jesus! I started to connect to Him. To understand who He was. I started to fall in love with Jesus. I would cry when I would come across scriptures that were so clear about His Deity. The scriptures would jump out at me. I would see something beautiful about Jesus and then re-read it in the Witness bible and see that it was completely different and I would cry some more. Because to be so fooled and to have them hide Jesus from me like that was like robbery. I truly had been blind. And all of a sudden I could see. I cant tell you how good it feels to have Jesus open your eyes. I truly felt like He picked me. Like He said, "Do you want to see?"
And of course I said, "Yes!"
I didn't do a sinners prayer. I just started to read and read. I would read at night when the kids were sleeping. I couldn't get enough. It was like I was thirsty and hungry for the Word of God. I had to get my fill everyday.
I did not do an actual sinners prayer till after I had been saved for a couple of months. I did it just in case. But I knew Jesus had already come into my life. And I was a new creation!
For once in my life I felt forgiven! I felt free! Free of religion! Free of guilt!
I felt special. I felt like God picked me out of tons of other lost souls. He decided to open my eyes this time. I dont know why I couldn't see before. I think its a miracle that I could now see that the Witnesses were wrong. Because they train their disciples well. But those defensive walls had come down. I was now open to receive Jesus.